May 24, 2013

Welcome back to Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday



Welcome back to Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday, where writers come together to share 8 sentences of whatever they wish. This is Week 5 for me.
 
The story continues from FORTY YEARS IN A DAY. To recap, Victoria and her four small children had been granted passage on a steamship from Italy to America. There was a terrible storm, and they were hoisted onto a lifeboat before the ship went down. Well, for those of you who were worried for the safety of Victoria and her children, they did make it to Ellis Island! Yay!

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Nervously, Victoria took out a piece of paper showing her brother’s name and address, and the impatient man informed her that she would have to wait for him to be notified. Now thousands of miles away from home, she was faced with a litany of unending misgivings.

After progressing through the dubious day, they were given a canvas cot in one of the narrow dormitories that ran along the balconies of the registry room—its capacity was stretched tenfold. Victoria settled the children on the flimsy padding. Their bodies were huddled together and their four small sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs. The cold, tiled floor was the only spot for Victoria, and she sat down wearily. Her stiff joints ached, and she shifted awkwardly, searching for comfort. Tucking her legs tightly to her chest, she rested her head on the edge of the cot. It had been an endless day of interrogations, examinations, and patient waiting, and her contorted body was grateful for even the slightest reprieve.
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Thank you for your readership and comments!
Mona
 



 

20 comments:

  1. Who's the proper match along with PHP?

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  2. Whew, they made it!! Intriguing depiction of their new conditions too. Nice snippet. :)

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  3. I'm happy that they arrive safe and sound but that new place is also pretty awful.
    It's also nice to have an impatient man asked her to wait for the notification. She is really really patient, I would totally bite that guy.

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  4. What an ordeal. So many hardships. I understand her misgivings: What was I thinking?? Great snippet.

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  5. So they all made it? Oh, good.

    Please, let her brother want them . . .

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  6. What an ordeal to have to go through. Nice visual of where she is and what happened during the day.

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  7. I think you captured the moment wonderfully. I feel like I'm there with her. My joints ache along with hers. I agree...sounds like a horrible ordeal to have to go through. Sad that as much as she aches now, she sounds grateful for it.

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  8. That was a intriguing 8. You created drama and a great visual.
    This was such a strong image "Their bodies were huddled together and their four small sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs." It is could run a little smoother. How about: They were huddled together in the middle of the cot, a jumble of limbs with four small sets of intertwined feet.

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    1. Than thanks for the suggestion! I like it.

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  9. What a dreadful time she's having. Nice 8.

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  10. I can imagine how exhausted she must be, and they still have a ways to go yet.

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  11. Thank you all for your suggestions/comments/praise! I sincerely appreciate your feedback!

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  12. Very nice use of visuals to set scene and depth. Poor Victoria - such a situation had to be scary and exhausting. Brave lady!!!

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  13. I feel for them all - your description was so vivid! Excellent excerpt (and I'm glad they survived the sinking ship).

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  14. Wow, very vivid description. I've been to Ellis Island and I could easily imagine her and her children huddled there in the corner of the hall.

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  15. nice bit from your book! I enjoyed the read immensely :)

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  16. Great picture of what the immigrants went through. The waiting had to be awful.

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  17. Another excellent snippet. I really like this visual, "... their four small sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs." You capture well what it must have been like.
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  18. You've painted the scene so well. I felt her weariness, saw the heap of children on the cot. Wonderful job! :-)

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