Welcome back to Weekend
Writing Warriors and Snippet
Sunday,
where writers come together to share 8 sentences of whatever they wish. This is
Week 5 for me.
The story continues from FORTY YEARS IN A DAY.
To recap, Victoria and her four small children had been granted passage on a
steamship from Italy to America. There was a terrible storm, and they were
hoisted onto a lifeboat before the ship went down. Well, for those of you who
were worried for the safety of Victoria and her children, they did make it to Ellis
Island! Yay!
__________________________________
Nervously, Victoria took out a piece of paper showing her brother’s
name and address, and the impatient man informed her that she would have to
wait for him to be notified. Now thousands of miles away from home, she was
faced with a litany of unending misgivings.
After progressing through the dubious day, they were given a canvas
cot in one of the narrow dormitories that ran along the balconies of the
registry room—its capacity was stretched tenfold. Victoria settled the children
on the flimsy padding. Their bodies were huddled together and their four small
sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs.
The cold, tiled floor was the only spot for Victoria, and she sat down wearily.
Her stiff joints ached, and she shifted awkwardly, searching for comfort.
Tucking her legs tightly to her chest, she rested her head on the edge of the
cot. It had been an endless day of interrogations, examinations, and patient
waiting, and her contorted body was grateful for even the slightest reprieve.
_________________________________
Thank you for your readership and comments!
Mona
Mona
Who's the proper match along with PHP?
ReplyDeleteMy web blog: BenQ EP5920
Whew, they made it!! Intriguing depiction of their new conditions too. Nice snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that they arrive safe and sound but that new place is also pretty awful.
ReplyDeleteIt's also nice to have an impatient man asked her to wait for the notification. She is really really patient, I would totally bite that guy.
What an ordeal. So many hardships. I understand her misgivings: What was I thinking?? Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteSo they all made it? Oh, good.
ReplyDeletePlease, let her brother want them . . .
What an ordeal to have to go through. Nice visual of where she is and what happened during the day.
ReplyDeleteI think you captured the moment wonderfully. I feel like I'm there with her. My joints ache along with hers. I agree...sounds like a horrible ordeal to have to go through. Sad that as much as she aches now, she sounds grateful for it.
ReplyDeleteThat was a intriguing 8. You created drama and a great visual.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a strong image "Their bodies were huddled together and their four small sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs." It is could run a little smoother. How about: They were huddled together in the middle of the cot, a jumble of limbs with four small sets of intertwined feet.
Than thanks for the suggestion! I like it.
DeleteWhat a dreadful time she's having. Nice 8.
ReplyDeleteA tough time for them all.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how exhausted she must be, and they still have a ways to go yet.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your suggestions/comments/praise! I sincerely appreciate your feedback!
ReplyDeleteVery nice use of visuals to set scene and depth. Poor Victoria - such a situation had to be scary and exhausting. Brave lady!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel for them all - your description was so vivid! Excellent excerpt (and I'm glad they survived the sinking ship).
ReplyDeleteWow, very vivid description. I've been to Ellis Island and I could easily imagine her and her children huddled there in the corner of the hall.
ReplyDeletenice bit from your book! I enjoyed the read immensely :)
ReplyDeleteGreat picture of what the immigrants went through. The waiting had to be awful.
ReplyDeleteAnother excellent snippet. I really like this visual, "... their four small sets of feet were intertwined in the middle, creating a pile of jumbled limbs." You capture well what it must have been like.
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders
You've painted the scene so well. I felt her weariness, saw the heap of children on the cot. Wonderful job! :-)
ReplyDelete